Boatloads of Blessings.

I am blessed.

I am blessed with a roof over my head. I am blessed with hot running water, as well as regular tap water that is safe to drink. I am blessed with furniture. I am blessed to own a bed. I am blessed with the ability to walk everyday. I am blessed with the mere fact that I woke up today to face another day. I am blessed with musical talents. I am blessed with the ability of intellect. I am blessed with a beautiful 70 lb. crazy dog that adores me, he actually loves me- that is it's own blessing. I am blessed with a beautiful church community. I am blessed with a family that has seen hard times and overcome them together. I am blessed with the gift of vision. I am blessed because I have at least 50 cents in my bank account. I am blessed because I wake up to at least one pair of shoes to walk in every day. I am blessed with warm blankets. I am blessed with food in my refridgerator and pantry, even when nothing looks appetizing. I am blessed with a car, even if it is old and ugly. I am blessed with good health. I am blessed with freedom and the ability to make choices every day. I am blessed with an education. I am blessed with friends and family that help me see new paths every day. I am blessed with the ability to tell time. I am blessed with a job where I help children, no matter how small my role is...it is a blessing. I am blessed to have known both of my parents and grandparents. I am blessed with  the ability to hear music. I am blessed with the ability to love. I am blessed with the ability to have faith in God. I am blessed with the best blessing of all- life's journey. 

I am blessed.

Where the Wild Things Are

I feel like I'm living in the book "Where the Wild Things Are".

I am a runner. Not just physically, but in every activity I encompass. I run through life- through days,  through weeks, through months, through years. I run through life day after day, thriving on the busy hustle and bustle. But for the first time in my life, I have nothing to run through. No school full-time, no full-time job, no major activity keeping me entertained and busy. For some reason, God is making me step back and slow down. To say that I enjoy it would definitely not be the best way to describe it. In fact, I hate it. It's depressing.

But these depressing thoughts make me question....why is it such a bad thing to finally have time to stop and smell the roses? Is it because when I am not entertained I start to evaluate my current life and how it is far from ideal? Or is it because it seems boring in comparison to the life I used to live? Or is it because it seems boring compared to the life I want to lead?

My entire life I've either designed a plan or had one laid out for me. As a big bad 5th grader, at least I knew what to expect next...6th grade. High school led to college. College was supposed to lead to a full time job. I should know by now what I want to do with the rest of my life...right..? Wrong.

For the first time, I feel lost in the abyss. Lost in this big giant forest. In this forest, it's raining. No, not just raining. Pouring. I can't find a dry place to sit....somewhere comfortable, somewhere protected and safe. I know safety eventually comes out of the discomfort, so I will keep holding on. Keep searching for the dry patch of grass. But I do know one thing..I don't like the wet soggy feeling. Not one little bit.

The year of the bear

This year is a learning year for me in many ways. Many people often say that you learn everything you need in college, but for me it has been mostly in the year after graduating from college. I always thought when I graduated from college that I would have my whole life figured out, know exactly what I want to do. My life has been the opposite of my predictions. In fact, this year is about throwing my eggs in a million baskets in hopes that I will find my calling or something that I can feel so passionate about that I'm willing to devote my life to it.

Plans for this year:
1) Apply for Teach for America.
2) Apply for grad school just in case.
3) Run the Disney Princess Half-Marathon.
4) Attend auditions in NYC throughout the year as well as at other local theatres throughout the rest of the season.
5) Continue subbing in the lower school at Saint Andrew's.
6) Finish the application for my teaching certification in Florida.

Throwing eggs in many baskets is the only way to figure it out. Thank goodness I eat eggs.

Maybe it's time

You breathe, you learn, you lose.
You take, you break, you choose.
And as, you learn, and cry.
You do, your best, and try.

And as, the days, go by.
It makes you, wonder why.
You try so hard, so hard.
To mend what's bound to fall apart

Ooh maybe it's time
To let it go
Ooh maybe it's time
For taking it slow

Ooh maybe it's time, time, time
For anything at all
Time, time, time, to let it all fall
Where it may


And as, the world, goes on.
You try, to walk, and sing along.
And hope, some things, will stay.
And every tune that you play.

Ooh maybe it's time
To let it go
Ooh maybe it's time
For taking it slow

Ooh maybe it's time, time, time
For anything at all
Time, time, time, to let it all fall
Where it may

And as, your life, goes on.
You deal with, what comes along.
Some friends, they come, and stay.
Some leave and, go their way.

Letters to B

It's him or me, that's what he said.
But I can't choose between a vegan and a pothead, so I chose you because you're sweet and you give me lots of lovin' and you eat meat.
And that's how you became my only man of the hour.
You never lie, and you don't cheat, and you don't have any baggage tied to your four feet. Do I deserve to be the one who will feed you breakfast, lunch and dinner and take you to the park at dawn?
Will you really be my only man of the hour?
I know you'll never bring me flowers, flowers they will only die. And though we'll never take a shower together, I know you'll never make me cry. You never argue, you don't even talk, and I like the way you let me lead you when we go outside and walk. 


Will you really be my only man of the hour?
My only man of the hour, my only man of the hour.


-Norah Jones

Life is what happens while we're making plans...

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"- Jeremiah 29:11


For my graduation, I was given a necklace by Mama & Papa Stokes engraved with this exact verse on it. It meant a great deal to me- not just because it was a gift from two amazing individuals that have supported me a great deal during my college years, but because I was also one of those students that graduated from college and said "now what?" I graduated among some of the brightest individuals of our future; students ready to go on and do great things with their lives, whether it be medical school or technological advances. Students that had a plan...in fact, I always thought I WAS one of those students. I thought I would be that student that would graduate, go right into graduate school, and have it all planned out. I had a plan in my head when I graduated high school, yet nothing went according to that plan for me. So when I graduated a few months ago and thought to myself, "now what", I couldn't have been more confused. How did I get here? How did I become this person? I thought maybe taking a year off after undergrad would be the kiss of death for me. But in these few months, I have learned more about myself than I ever expected. I know I want to do music, and I know God is calling me to use the talents I have been given that others may not have. But over the past few months I have been praying constantly about where I am called, where my future lies. Many have encouraged me to stay teaching but maybe consider it to be something more full-time. While being torn in each and every direction, I just kept finding myself returning to this quote. I have been reminded that even though I don't know the plan, the big man upstairs does. Even if I feel lost, I'm not. 


A few days ago, a thought came to me about the school that I wanted to go to for undergrad after I have been praying about my future plans continuously. I began to look into their graduate programs. I now have found that while nothing worked for me to attend that school right out of high school despite being accepted, it seems everything would be in the cards for me to go there now for graduate school. They have started a Masters Degree program in exactly what I wanted my undergraduate degree in. I would need only one year of coursework to begin graduate classes, and could even qualify for independent status in terms of financial aid. With that said, I will begin the application process to apply for graduate school for fall 2012. 


How am I feeling? I am feeling nervous,worried, grateful, unsure, and did I mention nervous? I am not sure if I'm making the right choice, and I know people will question my every move. But for now my only answer is, it just feels right. And that is the only way I've ever known God to answer my prayers...when it just feels right with no explanation. 

Gravity.

Something always brings me back to you. 
It never takes too long, no matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be, I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, I'm just the way I'm supposed to be, But your on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile, When I thought that I was strong. 
But you touch me for a little while, and all my fragile strength is gone.


Set me free,leave me be, I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, I'm just the way I'm supposed to be, but your on to me and all over me.


I live here on my knees, as I try to make you see that your everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe, though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know, is that your keeping me down, keeping me down.


You're on to me, on to me, and all over.
Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long.

Blog Title Change

Hello all my dear readers,

So, you may have noticed I have decided to change the title of my blog. There are a few reasons for this. When My Doodle & Me came to be, it was a starting point for me to have an outlet for my creative writing, and most of my daily chronicling came from my day to day experiences with Bailey. But I have new aspirations for my blog at this point. I have been finding myself writing things deeper than just musings with Bailey. So, with that said, there are some new goals of my blog. I want to target more readers and achieve a better design and layout. I want it to encompass every day reflections of my life as well as simple details of my days as usual, however I want to start including more song lyrics, photos, Bailey's day, future & past reflections, recipes, health and wellness, and much more. I would even like to eventually gain some sponsors.

However, with the new title comes a new subtitle that encompasses all of that as well. Therefore, I throw it out to the reading world to help me come up with something that could potentially touch on all aspects of my life in that regard. So, with that said, get commenting! :)

We live in a world with a great variety of individuals that often make up many different communities each and every one of us is apart of. Each and every person has been created different in God's eyes- and that in part is the beauty of his creation. But how often we allow our differences to turn us into a cruel group of people...people that judge each other, people that blame each other, people that say hurtful things about others. We are a people that often forget it could be us in that position that we criticize. I think today's reading speaks a great deal about this.

Luke 6:20-26
"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice on that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets. But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you will be hungry. Woe to you who are laughing now, for you will mourn and weep. Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets".

While the beginning of this reading makes it very clear that those who struggle will have the day when the struggle will be over, that wasn't the part of the reading that I found hefty. The part I found to be beautiful and amazing is rejoicing on the day and leaping for joy when people are mean to you and speak lowly of you and make you feel like a lesser person. When our world is cruel, rejoice. You know, so often we hear how young students in high school have a high percentage of depression and suicide rates. Bullying has become a national issue in almost every school setting. When someone is telling you that you aren't good enough or aren't pretty enough or aren't smart enough, how do you stand up to them even more in today's society and say, "But its ok, I have the Lord God on my side." without being bullied even more for your beliefs when the belief in God has been pushed so far out of our society and from schools?

The last part of the reading, however, was where I found that answer. At first glance, it could read as a revengeful statement. But in fact, it isn't. It is speaking of how through all of our differences we are still human and will still all face similar struggles. It speaks volumes about how we judge each other. You may judge someone for being poor, but eventually that could be you. You could judge someone for being upset and chuckle at their loss and upset, but eventually at some point you too will cry and weep. The last statement is saying, be careful of how you judge others. It could be you.

We are all different- but we all experiences ups and downs, highs and lows, rough times and great times. It is our duty to each other to support each other through each of these times and uplift each other, not kick each other down. In a time of war, financial insecurity, and woe, why not try and find the positive and support each other? Because at the end of the day, that may be all we have left.

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

When I was younger, I remember sitting through the church service and tuning out during mostly every reading, and most ESPECIALLY during the sermon. As I have gotten older, it has been a challenge of my faith to pay attention to each and every reading, and still at times zone out. But recently, I have found the diligence to be important. Maybe it is because as you get older you have more life experience, and those life experiences allow you to relate with the readings each week. And maybe when you are younger you can't relate- like the one reading, When you were a child you reasoned like a child. Everything about being a child is so simple, why complicate it with meditation and deep thought? But this one reading spoke incredibly loud to me this past weekend on many levels.

Romans 13:8-14
"Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet;" and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, "Love your neighbor as yourself". Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. Besides this, you know what time it is, how it is now the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers; the night is far gone, the day is near. Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us live honorably as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires".

This reading spoke to me on an incredible amount of levels. So often in life we reflect on the small black and white details of everything, and I feel the commandments are something that make that easy to do. If every day we focused on each and every commandment individually, we would feel worn out, exhausted, depleted. I mean, come on...who ISN'T gluttonous on a daily basis? But this reading shows us, if you LOVE each and every day, those small black and white details disappear and have already been taken care of. Love encompasses each and every thing we do.
The other part of this reading that particularly caught my attention was "Love does no wrong to a neighbor". I know that in the past few years of my life, I have made decisions that have done wrong to some of the people closest in my life.....each of which should and always will be considered a neighbor. So often we think the word "neighbor" refers to someone that lives next door physically. But I think the word neighbor in this reading reflects on those that live next door to us daily in our spiritual lives. And those people I have erred in the past few years. This reading showed me that I was not acting in the love that I was saying I had. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I feel this reading allowed me to ask for forgiveness on many levels.
But beyond even my actions, I have found even deeper meaning in this statement. Being in the world of theatre, the life of an actor is drama, personal or on stage. I often find that when working on a show with other individuals, it is more than just "work". I find that in the process of creating an entire piece of art formed from a group of people, peoples' egos have the potential to be destroyed and people have the opportunity to forget why we do what we do. So often it becomes less and less about the love of theatre and more about the actor. A great person once said, "Love the art in yourself not yourself in the art". And even in this process, gossip ensues...oh, is it never ending and it is always surrounding you. And how easy it is to jump on board when everyone else around you is talking about someone you may already not have the strongest feelings for as a friend. But as a Christian, at that moment, that is when I realized in this reading that those are the moments when I must follow this verse: "Let us lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light". Because how soon that person that everyone is talking about could end up being me, or them, or ANYONE. We are all human and everyone has things that make them difficult to get along with at times, but if we love our neighbor as ourselves, we may find we end up loving those flaws in that person instead of allowing them to bother us. And in the long run, we may end up with a new friend.

I think paying attention to the readings in church may be a step forward in the right direction, even if I did have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast.

It may not be January 1st, but come Monday I will begin somewhat of a "new year's resolution" list. Maybe consider a new season list? Most of my readers already know that sometime early next year I plan on moving to NYC and I am feeling, after a recent change of wind in my life, that there are some things I need to accomplish before I will feel ready to move. This list will be challenged first thing Monday morning, and will continue throughout the year....

1) Exercise almost every day- get my body into amazing shape. I want to be able to do modeling if need be and feel confident about my body.
2) Start yoga again.
3) Try and go vegan again.
4) Get Bailey trained...that may not start monday, but it's on the list.
5) Get my finances in order and at a healthy standpoint.
6) Start saving for NYC.

These are all big feats, but all necessary before moving. These WILL happen starting Monday. And now since you have all read this, I KNOW you won't let me slack.......right....?

Life as a Passion Not a Task

Lots of people would like to believe times and people have changed over the past 50 years. While some parts of us have grown to accept change and differences, many parts of society still have similar demands. Students leaving college today are asked questions like, What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be? Most would consider me a loser to have the answer that I have, because society hasn't changed. Many would expect a young educated woman such as myself to have an answer similar to "I want to be a teacher, a mother, etc". The stereotype of over 50 years ago which many have thought to have ceased to exist is still very much alive and thriving in our current society.

However, is it so terrible to not realize what you want at 23 out of your life? Or is it such a tragedy to not label yourself as a one-dimensional being that only cares about being that one profession? And if you find yourself to have more than that one dimension, why is that bad, and why does that speak volumes about your character in a bad light as being "flighty" or "lacking determination and character"?

When people ask me questions like "What do you want to do with your life now that you have graduated from college?", my only answer is one simple answer. I want to do something great. I want to do something so great it will change the world somehow for the better. And maybe right now I don't have the answer. Maybe right now it may seem as if I'm not going anywhere- as if my answer seems to be a copout for a bright future. Nobody truly knows, but at the end of the day, I will know that I have only failed in my life if I don't at some point achieve the greatness I desire. That greatness could be something as simple as helping someone in need when they are down and out, or tutoring a young child struggling in school. Regardless, at least I would die knowing that I did something beneficial and good to help others out. And that, that, seems much more important than defining myself as one-dimensional. That says "I'm Emily" rather than "I'm a teacher", or "I'm a mother". And that is a label I am willing to take on.

Oh how I want to be a part of it, New York, New York

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

This verse was what the sermon was about this morning in church, and I can't help but be enlightened with this as my first audition in NYC is coming up this week. I was always the nervous performer. I let it inhibit me, hold me back. I never believed in my abilities that God has blessed me with. But then I found a peace after I went into an audition and gave up all anxiety and was cast as a leading role. I realized, why be nervous? How can you ever show the casting directors that you are what they want for that role if you don't perform up to your full potential? I was holding myself back. But this is only in relation to local community and regional theatre. My first audition in NYC is nerve-wrecking, and while I was trying to maintain my new philosophy, I was still finding some nerves surrounding the whole event. The flights, the taxi plans, the right song choice. But this passage reminded me this morning that I do not need to be anxious about anything. Mainly because I know that regardless of the outcome of my audition, God has a plan for me. If I don't land this gig, it wasn't in his plan. That is what reminds me that it isn't sad or because I'm lacking talent. It's simply because the big man upstairs has a different plan for me. And that, THAT I can handle. 

To Dad, love Squeegy

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow",
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I'd bleed myself dry,
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
It's true,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for, 
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do. 

Letters from your Mother

Dear B:

On a day like today, you are my therapy. I will never have the words to tell you how much you mean to me, especially since I don't speak canine. It has always seemed to be a blend of both italian and sign language, and quite frankly italiano was difficult enough. When everything seems to be going wrong, the one thing that puts a smile on my face is curling up with you and giving you a big teddy bear hug. You milk it, too. You let me smuggle you with kisses, engulf you in my arms. You will do whatever it takes to make me happy. And that moment, that, makes up for all the times you steal my underwear. For all the times you eat things you know you shouldn't, and yes, I know you know. I know the look in your eyes..the look that could melt my heart quicker than a bar of chocolate under the blazing hot sun. It's kinda like the Helen of Troy look. It's irresistable. So thank you. Thank you for being that little ray of sunshine when it seems like none can be found in a day like today. I promise, I will always be your ray of sunshine whenever you may need it.

Love,
The doodle mommy

Skip the charades

You wait on letters
Fishing for any sign of life
Drinks after dinner
Your friends will get you to unwind

Let's skip the charades
Can we just speak plain?

I'm two left feet when
I'm home we tapdanced on broken glass
Somehow you manage
To keep your sense of humor in tact

Let's skip the charades
You're seeing right through me anyway
Can we just speak plain?
We're playing for the same team 
But I'm the one that's acting like
Acting like
Acting like
I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like
Acting like
Acting like
Nothing's wrong

You dodged the bullet
You do your best when you're busiest
You're disconnected
You can't find your name in the script

It was you who were wildest
It was you who floated above us all
I held on with wires
Will you come back down if I let you go?

Let's skip the charades
You're seeing right through me anyway
Can we just speak plain?
We're playing for the same team
But I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong
I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong

Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain.

Rainy Days

Every year on Father's Day, instead of thinking of sadness, I am reminded of all the beautiful memories I shared with my father. His humor was unmatchable. In fact, I have yet to meet one person who can make me laugh the way he could. His belief in my talent was also something that I will always remember. He once said to me, "I know you are capable of doing a million other jobs, but this is what you love. You must do music- it's YOUR future." 

In Kenya, rainy days are considered a blessing. Often during the summer in south florida, many people wish it wouldnt rain for just FIVE SECONDS so we could get to our car without being soaking wet, or so we could actually enjoy the many beach days we are blessed with. But since my trip to Kenya, I always find it difficult to complain about the rain. Sure, the sun is beautiful. Nobody can deny the beauty of a sunny, warm afternoon. However, with every white side there is always a black side. Rainy, thunderstorm afternoons on a day like today, Father's Day, don't make me sad, lazy, or tired. They give me excitement for the future. They remind me of how blessed I was to have my dad around in my life until I was 19. After all, he could have passed away when I was 6 years old. I would never have gotten to experience half the moments I did with him.

So today, as it pours outside and thunders, as the rumbles shake my patio window, I am thankful and feel blessings showering me. I am soaked in reminders of how much I love my dad, present on earth or not, I refuse to speak of him as a past tense. Because the rain...the water....reminds me of his love. His love for the water, the ocean, and everything it encompasses. It reminds me of the scattering of his ashes into the ocean. It reminds me that I am one lucky girl. Kenya, today is for you. 

Reunited.

Blogging world and my many readers,

We are to be reunited as of today. Today, I will begin working on my blog on a consistent basis once again like before. Below is my testimony, feel free to judge. But if you are that upset that I haven't been writing, maybe I should have my blog published. That would mean I am way more legit than I actually thought!

See, this little thing called senioritis started to kick in during my final year of college these past few months. Alongside senioritis, came college graduation. I also auditioned for the musical, Chicagi and got the lead role of Roxie Hart. SO much has happened, and I apologize. I have left you out of the process. But, now, we are reunited.

As of today, we are reunited to one another. I am back, and bigger and better than before.

Making New Friends

You are amazing at making new friends. You get that from your mommy (duh). You are a social butterfly, but really enjoy remaining outside of conflict. Which is a very nice quality that you possess, because I know I can trust taking you places.

You had your first experience at the dog park this week.

You had the time of your life. We will definitely be going back to the dog park... a lot. No questions.

Haircuts

BEFORE HAIRCUT

You got your 1st haircut this weekend. I brought you in for your appointment, and I was told that you would need to be shaved basically (aka Bad Mommy for not taking you in sooner for the matting). I don't think I prepared myself for what you would REALLY look like when you came out a few hours later. I told them that I preferred you with about at least an inch or two of hair, but they could not make any promises. It also depended on how much you wiggled. Shit. You were destined to be shaved.

AFTER HAIRCUT

I come to pick you up, and they tell me that they were able to keep about an inch and a 1/2 all over but a few places are pretty choppy but you look REALLY handsome. They go to the back and bring you up after you have heard me speak, and are now barking. I know your bark, like a mother knows their child's cry. I KNOW your bark. After all, you have never been afraid to use it...how could I NOT know? You are a very opinionated dog if I may add. But that is besides the point. You walk out, and I am 100% sure that you are NOT my dog. It almost felt as if we didn't know each other. You looked as if you had been violated. Your eyes bled emotions of timid, scared and sad. I was sad, too. You looked nakey! I soon realized it was really you when you started doing your usual "I know where we are in the car" barking. But I knew this wasn't the time to show my emotions, as you would pick up on everything I was feeling. Instead, I tried to make you feel as handsome as possible on the way home as you rested your muzzle on the center armrest that you have made your official headrest when you are going for a ride in the green machine. As the night went on, I became much more adjusted to your new look, and you began to grow confidence. Now, you LOVE your new-do. You stay cool, and can play for hours. Before you were overheated after 30 minutes. You are soft, and I love petting you. And you really know how to work the ears now, because they didn't really trim those at all. You are a cute little fuzzy butt. But I love you, bald or scraggly and matted, because I'm your mommy. Daddy and I took you to DogFest the next day, and saw another doodle that we swore was you. But we knew we had the right dog. You loved us. And we love you, and always will. So if you feel bald or naked at the dog park with your friends, know deep down your mommy and daddy still love you. You are loved, always and forever.

Amore

After your first day of cycling, one dream is inevitable.  A memory of motion lingers in the muscles of your legs, and round and round they seem to go.  You ride through Dreamland on wonderful dream bicycles that change and grow.  - H.G. Wells, The Wheels of Chance

                           This was Rich's Love Day present to me. It is pretty much the coolest   Valentine's Day gift ever. Why? I have wanted a beach cruiser for a LONG time. But he didn't stop there. He got it in RED. My favorite color. To take the cake, because our new place is on the beach, it suits my needs perfectly. It was and is perfect.


        Love Day was perfect. It was the best I have ever had. It was everything I could have wanted and more. Sketchy phone calls that hinted at things being hidden. Knowing that at home the doodle was curious about the giant thing in the living room in HIS living room spot ( and yes, I knew there was something too big to hide from the not-so-subtle hints over the phone). Walking into the apartment to see a red bicycle with a box of perfect chocolates placed on the seat, and the helmet hanging from the handle bars. Requesting filet mignon for dinner, and getting it. Having a home cooked meal together and talking silly things with cheesy love songs playing in the background. Opening, sharing and laughing at cards from family and one another. For our evening together, nothing else mattered. Not homework, not work, not cleaning, not laundry. Nothing seemed as important as giving our time to share with each other how much we really care and love one another. It was a perfect ride through Dreamland on our wonderful dream bikes that change and grow as we change and grow together. I love you.

12 Things I love about you (because 10 just didn't suffice)

1. I love when you just drank an entire bowl of water and you come up and rest your soaked beard on my thigh. 

2. I love when we run together first thing in the morning. Your excitement for life and others sets a great attitude and mood for the rest of the day. Even though you like running 7 minute miles, which I find hard to keep up with!

3. I love the head tilt you do when I say something you want or know about. Like when I ask you if you want to go out and go potty.

4. I love that you enjoy the weather out on the patio and how you focus your body to certain directions just to feel the wind blow through your hair. 

5. I love that you have the ability to make friends. Especially Boston, whom you recognize from the patio every single time. I also love that you two have a little love affair going on. 

6. I love that everyone calls you beautiful and handsome. Makes me proud, even if I didn't birth you.

7. I love how you will do ANYTHING for cheese. And I mean ANYTHING.

8. I love that you hate when I am on some sort of electronic device. It's a nice reminder that life isn't all about ipods and computers, but about interaction and relationships with others.

9. I love that you hate being in the backseat of the car because you can't be close to either of us. I love how you rest your head on the center console just to get enough of your body close enough to us for comfort.

10. I love that you chase leaves blowing in the wind.

11. I love that you are almost 70 lbs. of unbridled, fluffy, smooshy, mushy, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly love for everyone and everything that breathes or moves.

12. I love that you bark at the T.V. when you don't like something that is on, like Rocky Horror. I love that you will watch Star Wars for hours on end and never look away. 

New Beginnings

I have officially been the "newbie" employee at my job for a WHOLE month. That's right, 1 month.

(Side Note: How do I look in scrubs? Like a natural?)

Whenever starting a new job, there is always an adjustment period. First comes to training and getting to know all your coworkers. The interesting bit about my new job in the adjustment period is getting to know a staff that has all worked together for 10 years. This was actually one thing about the office that spoke to me in my interview, because usually people only stick by someone for that long if they love their job. The other adjustment has been having such a small number of staff. Some may say this can be a negative thing, but I think it works to make everyone feel NECESSARY to the team effort. The staff truly feels like family, which is so important when working with animals. When there is tension or upset, animals sense our emotions. If the staff felt this way, the animals would never cooperate with treatments.

My job title is Veterinary Technician Assistant. What is involved you ask? Well, a LOT of cleaning. A LOT A LOT A LOT of cleaning...cleaning dirty kennel runs, laundry, dishes, picking up poop, mopping, sanitizing surgical instruments, litter boxes, you name it...I do it. Most people would most likely hate doing these duties. But all that cleaning and busy work has proven to be a learning experience for me. A veterinarian at Gumbo Limbo once explained to all the interns that if the patient is not provided with the basic animal husbandry, no treatment given will be effective. Therefore, my cleaning serves a MAJOR purpose to the office running effectively. How can you expect a patient to get well in an unsanitary environment? And how can the rest of the office be expected to provide 100% excellent treatment if they are constantly having to worry about the other chores needing to be done? My eyes have been opened to what it TRULY takes to run an animal clinic. Besides it being a business and having to deal with finances and paperwork, you truly have to be able to do it ALL.

Even though I do a great amount of cleaning, I have also learned in my first month that the quicker you finish your chores, the sooner you get to hang out in the treatment room. And let me tell you...all that cleaning is SO worth getting to stand in on surgeries that are rare and even surgeries that are routine. By proving my capability, I have also been given duties to help prep a patient for anesthesia for surgery as well as help take radiographs. I have learned how to properly handle an animal. And the best perk of all is I am getting all the necessary veterinary hours for my upcoming vet school applications...and getting paid to do so. But beyond all those perks, the most important perk is that for once I am HAPPY and feel I am in the right place. Every pre-vet student at some point or another has to clean kennels and do the grunt work, but how else are you supposed to work your way to the top? I feel challenged. Every day is both a challenge and a surprise...a challenge that I may be asked to try something new and a surprise because of the excitement that can come along with that. And this happiness only proves to me that regardless of how everyone else feels, if you stick up for what you think is best for you, everyone that loves you will follow your path.

Lesson for the day: Do what you love and forget about all the rest. If it makes you happy, do it. You only live once.

Magic Life Ball

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "the future belongs to Those who believe in the beauty of their dreams". Sometimes I wish that the magic ball that we all used to shake and ask about future first kisses and high school graduations really worked. We are taught when we graduate from high school, we can be anything and do anything we put our minds to. We all have the ability to be amazing. The irony behind this thought process though is that if we are ALL striving to be the best, are we ever truly standing out? And just when you begin to think you really have it all together and feel you stand out, someone either next to you or half way across the country is already 5 steps ahead of you. While humility is important and "humbling", does there ever come a point where it has the ability to hold you back? And what if it holds you back from doing the most amazing thing of your life? It amazes me also that we are all on our way to achieving greatness, but how no one person takes the same exact road there as the other. Then the question really becomes, who defines what greatness really means?

I think we define what our greatest potential is. It is that inner feeling that everyone is born with. But no two people have the same inner feelings. So how is it that in a world with so many people with so many different agendas we are still able to form relationships? Or is that also linked in selfishness- make a connection that in the long run may benefit you?

As a student about to graduate with an undergrad degree in something completely useless to what I now want to do with my future, I find myself asking all kinds of questions. Going back as a post-bacc student isn't easy. While it may have its benefits, it doesn't necessarily feel the greatest sitting in classes with freshman who are fresh out of high school at 23. Do I really want to spend the next 6 years in school? Why not stop now? But then my mind opens the other flood gate and thoughts of being average and not living out my dream give rise to the nervous system that has learned to concentrate itself in the middle of my stomach.

But I find relief in this nervous and frightened feeling, as it seems to answer all the questions and I am reminded of how worth it those 6 years are. Will giving up my dream now be best? Well, thats like asking if I never made it to the top of Kili would I not have been upset....duh. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing everyday that scares you".

Letters From your Mother

Bailey,

If for one day you could understand everything I say to you, I would want you to know the following things. You are my guardian angel. Sure, some people (and dogs) don't believe in them. And maybe you don't....but I think you do (At least I think you do when I notice you barking at our bedroom ceiling). After your grandpa died, it was kinda lonely. And then we had to put Frieda down. You would have loved Frieda- spunky in her old age, she was! She was 16, and she helped raise me. But you are the thing that made me grow up. You helped me grow and you have helped me grieve the loss of someone so dear to me. I know that I may not always get the chance to play with you every single day because I often have a lot of school work to do on top of taking care of you. But I promise to you that I will always come home with a buffet of scents all over me every MWF just for you to enjoy. And I promise I will always give you unconditional love for as long as you are my dog. I love you mushy mushy.

Your Career: A Jungle Gym vs. a Ladder

One of the most powerful transformations in my own life happened when I was about to leave graduate school. I had worked hard for my degree in regional planning from Cornell University and had been offered a high-paying job in New York City with a top eight accounting firm. It seemed like the beginning of a grand and glittering adventure in the big city: posh apartments, pointy-toed shoes, and maybe even my first martini. But then an unexpected phone call came from my father, who needed me to come home to help him manage my family's tire and automotive business.This was completely unexpected and not at all in my cosmopolitan plans. Inevitably, there comes a point in all of our lives where our role as the child begins to reverse with our parents. Our protectors now need protection. For some of us, it comes while we are established in life, and for others it may come while we are young. But whenever that call comes, early or late, we pick up the phone and we respond. In my case, it meant packing up my heels and putting on my cowboy boots, getting back into that same old Ford pickup truck and heading back West.
...I started out the first morning back in Tucson, but this time out in the tire shop, learning the business from guys named Chuy and Frank. I learned the tire business from the ground up and also started to manage the company's philanthropic aims, the part that tried to give back to the community that had been so generous to us through the years. I started to see things about Southern Arizona that were not perfect and needed to change. So I ran for office determined to make that change and put right things that were wrong and represent those who didn't have a voice. And I realized then and there what my heart was saying: that for me, the highest calling in my own life was service to others. I have not looked back since.When that moment of realization dawns on you--as it eventually will, with its own unique message--I encourage you also to seize it and not look back.Do not focus your energies on making a living. That will come, I promise you. It will come almost as an accident, as a byproduct, without your even having to think about it. You are blessed to be living in a country that gives its citizens the freedom to bump around the scenery a bit, to try new things and make mistakes and stretch your talents and make adjustments and to find every rich and satisfying thing, and it will still be okay in the end.

-Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords

Wind in the night

Life is all about taking chances and going forward, regardless of the risk for disaster or failure. It is about pushing yourself when you don't think you can go any farther than you already have. But once you push yourself, you find that you are extremely capable, and once you have achieved that you have courage to take even another giant step. Before you know it, you look back on all you have been able to do and shock even yourself...all the while, everyone else isn't shocked. Chances are...they believed in you even when you didn't believe in yourself.

So the next time you feel you simply can't try something because of fear of failure, stick your head out the window as you drive (be careful, please!) and let the wind blow your hair every direction, heck even let it get messy. Let the wind turn your frown upside down. Let the wind blow the life and courage back into you...LIVE! Because I know Bailey does.

Luscious Lemons

People are meant to disappoint. Not just on occasion. Every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year, every decade, and on each and every planet that they exist. People are meant to disappoint.

I truly believe that is why animals were put on this earth. Sure, they disappoint us on occasion if they pee on themselves or eat our Lilly Pulitzer clothes. But if that is the worst thing they can do to us, no wonder we enjoy the relationship we share. They were put on this planet to remind us that when life gives you sour, rotten bitter lemons, that somewhere out there in the giant world there are sweet luscious lemons. 

This my friends, is an example of one of those luscious, sweet lemons.

Dog Days Are Over

The past 4 years of my life have been a rollercoaster. A series of ups and downs- like the flickering of lights in a room, like the wind carrying over candles through open windows. But now, life is beginning to light itself on fire, like paper thrown into an open flame. All of my everyday ventures, experiences and adventures that often seem sporadic and outlandish to others are beginning to come together to form the shape of my life's next ventures. Which leads me to question, how does one EVER know that what they do from day to day is "their" life calling? And how are we ever expected to know what we want to be or do with our ENTIRE life at the age of 17 or 18?

The past  4 years I have been criticized, scrutinized, judged, and ripped apart by people's opinions about my life's future and what it may hold for me in terms of a career choice. People make comments like, "Oh jeez...another career choice, another major? What next, snake handling?" Little do they realize that their comments are hurtful, jabbing into the very essence of my driving force in my life- the sane reasoning that I know no matter where life leads me, I have a strong sense of motivation, drive and determination to always be the best I can be with the gifts I have been given.  And I am often reminded, once I have let the pain subside and leave my heart, that this life is MINE to own. Not hers, his, theirs, yours, but MINE. If I decide to go back to school for 40 more years to become a 20 ft. pineapple growth extraordinaire, that is my choice. And I will never let someone take that away from me. Call it independence or just plain stubbornness, but whatever name you give it will never strip me of my own knowledge that I have potential. And not just ANY potential, but potential to change the world, one step at a time. And while you may feel your criticism is "mature", "adult", or warranted, what you cease to realize is that every time I have switched up my path it is because I do not feel like I am achieving my ONE goal- doing something that can radically change the world, even if it goes unnoticed or blends into what everyone else is doing. When I feel I am doing that "something" that justifies my goal, I will be satisfied. I will be able to wake up every morning with excitement and passion for life, because if you don't have constant drive, motivation and eagerness to change the world, why bother stepping out of bed?

My path into veterinary medicine was not sporadic, it was given to me as a gift. When I got Bailey, all doubts cleared and passed away, like the candle finally blowing out. There is no doubt in my mind that Bailey is my angel- the one thing that picked me back up after the hardest emotional rollercoaster I had ever faced in my short life. Bailey has shown me what it means to embrace life every day, even if it is spent simply chasing a rubber ball or leaves in the wind. Bailey has taught me that you follow what excites you. And screw just following it...pounce on it with all your weight, with all the weight of your heart. The first time I stepped into a OR, the leaves blew and the lights stopped flickering. But they didn't remain dark...instead the room of my life illuminated and all I wanted to do was pounce on those leaves with everything I possess. That, is how I know, this is my calling. I know the dog days are over.

Poppycock

I had no clue he had an interest in Poppycock.

Or is it just because it doesn't belong to him that it is interesting?

Bailey's Bed

Bailey has yet to enjoy a dog bed purchased for him...well, for the purpose of sleeping on that is.

He loves to rip them to shreds and rip out all the stuffing, however he never actually uses them for sleeping. So, Rich put the bed we got him on black friday under the air conditioning vent in the living room (his favorite spot) and he FINALLY uses it for sleeping! I'm so excited that my dog is SEMI-normal!

Just....how CUTE is that face? 

Things To Ponder

I found this list of "Things to Ponder" while sitting at a bagel shop over coffee one morning and wanted to share it with my readers!

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- I TOTALLY take back ALL those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font.
- How the HELL are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- Was learning cursive REALLY necessary?
- Mapquest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes out after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of MS Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10 page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well!
- I wish google maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

2011- A Work in Progress kinda list

Here is my work in progress of my list of things I want to do in 2011:

1. Find out what a "nettle" is. I saw it in a traditional farmhouse fare recipe book from England given to me by my Nana Jess this year. It called for one bucket of "spring nettles".
2. Take Bailey to intermediate obedience classes. Oh yeh, and this time follow through 99.3% of the time.
3. Bailey needs a job, hence why I am workin' on getting him a modeling gig. Yes, I know, I'm crazy about my dog...get over it.
4. Make Banoffie Pie
5. Learn to speak some damn good Italiano <3
6. Get into a pre-veterinary post-baccalaureate program.
7. Start all my pre-vet course work!
8. Graduate Summa Cum Laude
9. Let Munchie & Bailey become...friendly. Yes, let's begin there. Friendly.
10. See the White House
11. Be at Times Square on 12.31.11
12. Blog everyday
13. Read all the Harry Potter Books
14. Make Bailey a HOMEMADE Birthday Cake!
15. Ride a horse
16. See a turtle hatch out

Leg Sniffers and Champagne Parte Due

Last night was Bailey's FIRST New Year's Eve. He slept through most of it. I was more excited for him than he was excited for the experience.

He reminded me of the watchhound in 101 Dalmatians. He would sleep, hear the fireworks, then run out on the patio to keep guard. At midnight, he wanted some champagne. I said no, duh.

We went out on the patio together to hang out with Grandma Janet aka mom to watch the fireworks. Bailey is beginning to adjust..he always does.

Mom hands me her champagne glass, so she can take the picture, duh.

New Years Eve also consisted of watching The Blind Side for the first time. Geez, is THAT a tearjerker. Mom could have prepared both Rich and I for that one. We both sob during Marley & Me, so I'm not sure why she expected this one to be any different.

Leg Sniffers and Champagne Part I

Bailey would NOT quit smelling my legs yesterday when I came home from visiting a family friend's farmhouse in West Boca. He raises sheep and owns some horses up in Okeechobee, and so I figured I would take a day to help him out with the sheep.

This is me with their one of their neighbors' baby lambs. 

I kinda fell in love with it...it had a brown spot on its tushy. I almost took it home. Rich would kill me.

Did you know that you can tell if a sheep has worms usually by the color of the inside of its eyelid? The more pale in color, that's usually how you know they may be "wormy". I got to ride a sheep to check its eyelids..did you also know that once you get it on its back, it is paralyzed to submission because of how their bodies are designed? And..have you ever had the chance to ride a sheep to submission? If you answer no, you just may not be as cool as me. 

I wore my mom's old riding/stable boots from college (old school=vintage=AWESOME), and Bailey could not contain his excitement. Yes, I meant to say excitement. After all, Bailey is a SNIFFER. HE WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO SNIFF SOMETHING HE HAS A DESIRE FOR. That is how I know he is my dog...he has a good sniffer like his mommy. My legs were the most exciting part of the day for him...after all, sheep is a rare scent for him!