Life as a Passion Not a Task

Lots of people would like to believe times and people have changed over the past 50 years. While some parts of us have grown to accept change and differences, many parts of society still have similar demands. Students leaving college today are asked questions like, What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be? Most would consider me a loser to have the answer that I have, because society hasn't changed. Many would expect a young educated woman such as myself to have an answer similar to "I want to be a teacher, a mother, etc". The stereotype of over 50 years ago which many have thought to have ceased to exist is still very much alive and thriving in our current society.

However, is it so terrible to not realize what you want at 23 out of your life? Or is it such a tragedy to not label yourself as a one-dimensional being that only cares about being that one profession? And if you find yourself to have more than that one dimension, why is that bad, and why does that speak volumes about your character in a bad light as being "flighty" or "lacking determination and character"?

When people ask me questions like "What do you want to do with your life now that you have graduated from college?", my only answer is one simple answer. I want to do something great. I want to do something so great it will change the world somehow for the better. And maybe right now I don't have the answer. Maybe right now it may seem as if I'm not going anywhere- as if my answer seems to be a copout for a bright future. Nobody truly knows, but at the end of the day, I will know that I have only failed in my life if I don't at some point achieve the greatness I desire. That greatness could be something as simple as helping someone in need when they are down and out, or tutoring a young child struggling in school. Regardless, at least I would die knowing that I did something beneficial and good to help others out. And that, that, seems much more important than defining myself as one-dimensional. That says "I'm Emily" rather than "I'm a teacher", or "I'm a mother". And that is a label I am willing to take on.

Oh how I want to be a part of it, New York, New York

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

This verse was what the sermon was about this morning in church, and I can't help but be enlightened with this as my first audition in NYC is coming up this week. I was always the nervous performer. I let it inhibit me, hold me back. I never believed in my abilities that God has blessed me with. But then I found a peace after I went into an audition and gave up all anxiety and was cast as a leading role. I realized, why be nervous? How can you ever show the casting directors that you are what they want for that role if you don't perform up to your full potential? I was holding myself back. But this is only in relation to local community and regional theatre. My first audition in NYC is nerve-wrecking, and while I was trying to maintain my new philosophy, I was still finding some nerves surrounding the whole event. The flights, the taxi plans, the right song choice. But this passage reminded me this morning that I do not need to be anxious about anything. Mainly because I know that regardless of the outcome of my audition, God has a plan for me. If I don't land this gig, it wasn't in his plan. That is what reminds me that it isn't sad or because I'm lacking talent. It's simply because the big man upstairs has a different plan for me. And that, THAT I can handle. 

To Dad, love Squeegy

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow",
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I'd bleed myself dry,
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
It's true,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for, 
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do. 

Letters from your Mother

Dear B:

On a day like today, you are my therapy. I will never have the words to tell you how much you mean to me, especially since I don't speak canine. It has always seemed to be a blend of both italian and sign language, and quite frankly italiano was difficult enough. When everything seems to be going wrong, the one thing that puts a smile on my face is curling up with you and giving you a big teddy bear hug. You milk it, too. You let me smuggle you with kisses, engulf you in my arms. You will do whatever it takes to make me happy. And that moment, that, makes up for all the times you steal my underwear. For all the times you eat things you know you shouldn't, and yes, I know you know. I know the look in your eyes..the look that could melt my heart quicker than a bar of chocolate under the blazing hot sun. It's kinda like the Helen of Troy look. It's irresistable. So thank you. Thank you for being that little ray of sunshine when it seems like none can be found in a day like today. I promise, I will always be your ray of sunshine whenever you may need it.

Love,
The doodle mommy

Skip the charades

You wait on letters
Fishing for any sign of life
Drinks after dinner
Your friends will get you to unwind

Let's skip the charades
Can we just speak plain?

I'm two left feet when
I'm home we tapdanced on broken glass
Somehow you manage
To keep your sense of humor in tact

Let's skip the charades
You're seeing right through me anyway
Can we just speak plain?
We're playing for the same team 
But I'm the one that's acting like
Acting like
Acting like
I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like
Acting like
Acting like
Nothing's wrong

You dodged the bullet
You do your best when you're busiest
You're disconnected
You can't find your name in the script

It was you who were wildest
It was you who floated above us all
I held on with wires
Will you come back down if I let you go?

Let's skip the charades
You're seeing right through me anyway
Can we just speak plain?
We're playing for the same team
But I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong
I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong

Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain
Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain.