The past 4 years of my life have been a rollercoaster. A series of ups and downs- like the flickering of lights in a room, like the wind carrying over candles through open windows. But now, life is beginning to light itself on fire, like paper thrown into an open flame. All of my everyday ventures, experiences and adventures that often seem sporadic and outlandish to others are beginning to come together to form the shape of my life's next ventures. Which leads me to question, how does one EVER know that what they do from day to day is "their" life calling? And how are we ever expected to know what we want to be or do with our ENTIRE life at the age of 17 or 18?
The past 4 years I have been criticized, scrutinized, judged, and ripped apart by people's opinions about my life's future and what it may hold for me in terms of a career choice. People make comments like, "Oh jeez...another career choice, another major? What next, snake handling?" Little do they realize that their comments are hurtful, jabbing into the very essence of my driving force in my life- the sane reasoning that I know no matter where life leads me, I have a strong sense of motivation, drive and determination to always be the best I can be with the gifts I have been given. And I am often reminded, once I have let the pain subside and leave my heart, that this life is MINE to own. Not hers, his, theirs, yours, but MINE. If I decide to go back to school for 40 more years to become a 20 ft. pineapple growth extraordinaire, that is my choice. And I will never let someone take that away from me. Call it independence or just plain stubbornness, but whatever name you give it will never strip me of my own knowledge that I have potential. And not just ANY potential, but potential to change the world, one step at a time. And while you may feel your criticism is "mature", "adult", or warranted, what you cease to realize is that every time I have switched up my path it is because I do not feel like I am achieving my ONE goal- doing something that can radically change the world, even if it goes unnoticed or blends into what everyone else is doing. When I feel I am doing that "something" that justifies my goal, I will be satisfied. I will be able to wake up every morning with excitement and passion for life, because if you don't have constant drive, motivation and eagerness to change the world, why bother stepping out of bed?
My path into veterinary medicine was not sporadic, it was given to me as a gift. When I got Bailey, all doubts cleared and passed away, like the candle finally blowing out. There is no doubt in my mind that Bailey is my angel- the one thing that picked me back up after the hardest emotional rollercoaster I had ever faced in my short life. Bailey has shown me what it means to embrace life every day, even if it is spent simply chasing a rubber ball or leaves in the wind. Bailey has taught me that you follow what excites you. And screw just following it...pounce on it with all your weight, with all the weight of your heart. The first time I stepped into a OR, the leaves blew and the lights stopped flickering. But they didn't remain dark...instead the room of my life illuminated and all I wanted to do was pounce on those leaves with everything I possess. That, is how I know, this is my calling. I know the dog days are over.
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