"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"- Jeremiah 29:11
For my graduation, I was given a necklace by Mama & Papa Stokes engraved with this exact verse on it. It meant a great deal to me- not just because it was a gift from two amazing individuals that have supported me a great deal during my college years, but because I was also one of those students that graduated from college and said "now what?" I graduated among some of the brightest individuals of our future; students ready to go on and do great things with their lives, whether it be medical school or technological advances. Students that had a plan...in fact, I always thought I WAS one of those students. I thought I would be that student that would graduate, go right into graduate school, and have it all planned out. I had a plan in my head when I graduated high school, yet nothing went according to that plan for me. So when I graduated a few months ago and thought to myself, "now what", I couldn't have been more confused. How did I get here? How did I become this person? I thought maybe taking a year off after undergrad would be the kiss of death for me. But in these few months, I have learned more about myself than I ever expected. I know I want to do music, and I know God is calling me to use the talents I have been given that others may not have. But over the past few months I have been praying constantly about where I am called, where my future lies. Many have encouraged me to stay teaching but maybe consider it to be something more full-time. While being torn in each and every direction, I just kept finding myself returning to this quote. I have been reminded that even though I don't know the plan, the big man upstairs does. Even if I feel lost, I'm not.
A few days ago, a thought came to me about the school that I wanted to go to for undergrad after I have been praying about my future plans continuously. I began to look into their graduate programs. I now have found that while nothing worked for me to attend that school right out of high school despite being accepted, it seems everything would be in the cards for me to go there now for graduate school. They have started a Masters Degree program in exactly what I wanted my undergraduate degree in. I would need only one year of coursework to begin graduate classes, and could even qualify for independent status in terms of financial aid. With that said, I will begin the application process to apply for graduate school for fall 2012.
How am I feeling? I am feeling nervous,worried, grateful, unsure, and did I mention nervous? I am not sure if I'm making the right choice, and I know people will question my every move. But for now my only answer is, it just feels right. And that is the only way I've ever known God to answer my prayers...when it just feels right with no explanation.
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